Welcome to my crazy brain

So all this craziness of not knowing where I will end up this year has got me thinking. You know in life when it seems like everything is on this step by step ladder and you just keep looking up .. looking forward to the next step? What happens when you look up and you can't see what's ahead of you anymore. Isn't all suppose to be lined up for you... ? When you're a kid you see things so differently. You see things like that ladder. Like, this is the way life is and this is the way it will go. When you're an adult however, there comes a time when you suddenly realize that YOU are the one who has to figure out where that ladder will go. It's terrifying.

I used to think
step one: graduate high school
step two: go to college
step three: graduate and get a job
step four: get married and have babies
step five: retire and go on vacaction
step six: meet your grandchildren
step seven: relax

well.. now I'm thinking that this is a crazy idea of a life's plan. I feel like i have this organized personality and everything is suppose to happen how I had planned. Then out of the blue opportunity arises and flips your whole world upside down. In a sense I feel like I'm starting my whole life's plan over again. Like I have this second chance to step outside the blueprint of how a normal life is suppose to be. I often think ... what would it be like to just step outside the lines and move to India for a year? What would that even look like? Would  worry constantly like I am now about not having my perfecting outlined life?

I don't know why I'm worrying... I keep trying to tell myself that what's mean't to be will be.. but I'm stuck in this limbo phase where I'm terrified of what is coming next. What if I hate it? What if I made the wrong decision? I need to just go with the flow but my mind will not slow down. It's driving me crazy.

Maybe I was not mean't to live an ordinary life where everything is in line. Maybe I was mean't to step outside the lines of reality and live something completely different. I have this fear that if I move back to WI things will settle there... and I don't want them to settle. I want to go on a new adventure... a non-normal crazy life adventure. Ok, I'm officially NUTS. Someone come and help me shut my brain off.

I'll pray about this... maybe I'll find peace in not knowing where this crazy ladder in life is taking me..
xoxo ya'll